Permanence
Time gives things inherent value? Crazy!
As I write this, I’ve just returned from a hike with my favorite dog in the world, while sitting at my favorite cafe in the world. Along this hike with my two year old dog I couldn’t help but shake the thought of “How can I make this last forever?” That thought is still persisting, because sitting outside this cafe with a coffee (and soon to be glass of wine) I still want to know the answer. I know I can’t know the answer, because either it doesn’t exist or if it does I’ll be the target of some shadow cult for figuring out how to make a particular moment in time permanent.
According to Wikipedia, the word ‘permanent’ is rooted in the Latin word “Permaneō”, meaning “I stay through”. I don’t know about you, but ‘I stay through’ sounds a lot more romantic than just ‘Permanent”. Even if you don’t want to go as far as saying it sounds more romantic, it damn sure sounds more poetic.
My father’s gold ring which I wear every day, presents a permanence in his memory. They say your first death is when your body ceases to function anymore, and your second is the last time your memory is mentioned. This ring reminds me every day of him. Even if others don’t know the reason I wear it, I do. For me, my father stays through in part because of this ring. He persists because of a memory, and the potential questions it may inspire from others.
Well what if someone or something is written about online? If something exists in the digital sphere, no matter how obscure, how can someone or an idea ever really die? Say someone’s google search inspires a result to appear even on the 1 billionth result, then an algorithm recognized something to trigger even the slightest mention of a dead person or idea didn’t it? They stay through.
Maybe these things that we wish so much to persist though, shouldn’t. We already experience in times of extreme routine, no matter how enjoyable it may be at first, these things can become dulled. If it weren’t for the downs, there would be no ups (reference my last post “The Steeps”). Everything is offered some value because of impermanence. Something lost offers the value of finding what is truly important to you. Be it a moment in time, idea, or a relationship.
Even when a romantic relationship that one would hope would be permanent, comes to an end, provides a value and opportunity of finding what is most important to you. Many friends have told me this and they’re not wrong at all, but it’s certainly difficult to shake that feeling of “How could I have made that last forever?” Maybe it wasn’t anyone’s fault, but as humans we sure like to look for a reason that something failed. Even if that something is what we’re searching for internally when it’s not even there. Imposter syndrome of depression? Hell if I know. With that thought, the extent of self growth we can experience in this typically launches ourselves into a state of self-reflection and attempts at improvement. Not to say that self-growth can’t be done with another person close to your side, but it almost never happens as dramatically and quickly as when you’ve lost the relationship.
It always feels though that a romantic relationship is perceived to be permanent until someone passes away, which I’d argue on average is enough of a lifetime between both people to justify the feeling. But as mentioned, if ended prematurely, that’s a death of a relationship and not of an individual. A sense of grieving hits but not in the same scale as the death of an individual. What about the feeling of permanence which lies on the shoulders of knowing there will be a death of an individual far before the relationship? By definition, this is not a permanent relationship, but our minds are wired in a way that we don’t care.
Like my relationship with my dog, Bella. I know that if all things go as they usually do, I will far outlast her. But that idea by itself is what gives my relationship with her value. If we both lived forever and were able to hike and sit outside a cafe with a glass of wine every day, what would that inspire? The fact that our time is limited together, forces me to cherish what we have more, because I won’t always have her. But I’m going to make sure I have her with me as long as possible.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that one day I’d like to find myself enshrouded by a human and a dog’s love. One earned and deserved. The other unjudged and enduring. Staying through.
K’s Note:
I didn’t really know how to frame this one, as it was something that I’ve been wanting to write about but didn’t know how to translate it into writing. But hey, now that this is in the digital sphere, I guess it will stay through anyways. I’ll be able to look back on it in 5 years and say “What the hell was I writing about?” Either way, hope you enjoyed, if you’re a professional writer and can give me pointers on how to frame and structure posts like this, plus flow from idea to idea please let me know!! I guess these posts are all about vulnerability though so here we are.